10 April 2013

When Motherhood Becomes Scary

We all know by now that motherhood is not all flowers and hearts; that is, if you've been reading my blog religiously. Or you got a terrible two. Or a soiled white trousers from your babe's poop. There are mayhem and mishaps. But it's still a happy ending. After all, I got a girl. Sweet and innocent. Someone who will open her elegant abode's fancy door for the gracefully aging me and her old gray-haired Tatay. The lady who will become a boss, a wife and a mom, too. She will take good care of her children like what I did for her. Bliss, isn't it?

Today changed it all. I got scared of the future.

Earlier tonight, after dinner and some cleaning-up in the kitchen, I let her watch TV while I browse my phone to rest. I was not looking at what she was watching but I know it's Disney Channel's Just for Laughs, a gag show. I heard her cute chuckles. I found it adorable and looked at her. Then she got shy. She said in a wimpy way, "boys like sexy dede". Eff. Really. I'm trying my best to be a woman of God but I said a giant eff to myself. I felt my face blushed crimson red. I wanted to bawl out like a pig in a slaughter house.

I know she didn't mean a thing by that. She's 4 years old. 

But momma! Her statement was not as lame as saying, "boys are laughing at her", which can be really vague. This one's a shocker. This one's something that even a naive 15-year-old won't dare to say. And for me, it was a reality. One day, she will be that naive 15-year-old. I'm getting senseless. Okay, I didn't get to see the video she chuckled on because I was too focused on what she said. You know what I did?

I ignored her.

I know she won't remember that. And besides, whenever she sees me and her pop kissing or hugging each other, she'll say "you marry, Tatay?" She thinks life is straight from a fairytale that you can marry the boy you just met. Like Tangled. She is that innocent. 

So why was I so scared all of a sudden?

I'm scared of boys hurting her. I'm scared of boys looking at her like a porn star when she wears shorts, skirts or plunging neckline shirts. I'm scared that she might not get the love she has given. I'm scared that she might experience what I have been through with bad boys. Oh, bad bad boys, please don't come into my precious princess' life.

I have enough arms to shield my baby from bad boys, actually --- her military father. But what can a military father do if he's always away, right? So it all boils down on me. The responsibility of raising a baby girl to become a God-fearing, prayerful and decent woman is in my fat and full-of-lamig shoulders. 

Sigh. Military motherhood (and marriage!) is truly challenging. But I believe I can do this, because I got a great back-up --- the BIG GUY up there! ♥ 


  1. I feel for you sis. :)

    I also have a daughter, who's just turning four this May, and just recently, I heard her talk about 'girlfriends and boyfriends' - though still in a very innocent light.

    At first I wanted to react in a negative way, like shocked ganyan, pero I decided that that was the perfect time to explain to her what girlfriends and boyfriends are - that until she's a big girl like Mama, they're just boys who happen to be friends (same way with girls).

    Having a daughter can be really scary, and looking back at how I was during my younger years (napalunok ako), I was anything but a home-buddy - I was my parent's headache for the bulk of my single days. And like my mom had always told me - 'mararanasan mo din yan sa anak mo' - so good luck to me. Hehe. But then again, she's an entirely different person, she's not ME.

    Kaya at this age pa lang, I think we should slowly open their little innocent eyes to the real world - siempre still in a way that would not harm their innocence, just enough that they get a bit of understanding how the world works... Kids now are very very smart - and our guidance for them can really start now. :) Nakakatakot isipin na one day, our daughters would really have to face the 'evils' of the world on their own. Na one day, we may not be there to help them, na one day they actually might not want us to help them....

    So ngayon, while we still can, let's build their character, let them understand self-worth, let them know God and create a relationship with Him - because that one day, when they will be making their own decisions, that one day will really come... :)

    O di ba nobela ang comment? :) Thanks for the post sis, really made me reflect on my role as a parent...

    1. Thanks, Tin G! Naloloka na nga ako 'pag iniisip ko yung mga paranoia situations stated in the post. Pero tama ka, dapat ngayon pa lang may foundation na ang character nila. And by the looks of it, I'm kinda failing. 'Cause she becomes needy (I blame the come & go mode ng mga dati niyang yaya). I worry if she will be like that to her future boyfriend. And she's not too suplada to kids her age, sa adults lang. Ayoko din masyado na friendly siya eh, baka utuin. Haha! Dami kong worries. Well,I know naman my husband will help me in any way he can in raising her up. Na-sstress lang akong isipin. :/ #baliwag

  2. Don't worry Queen B, you to was a little girl once and I bet your mom was scared to death too thinking about what your future might be. But look at you now, you are married to a dashing gentleman, you are a great mommy yourself and a great example to your little girl.

    I am scared too about what the future holds for my babies, especially my little girl. I can only prepare her for the future, teach her things that would help build her character, instill in her mind that a woman of substance is sexier than a girl who wears skimpy clothes and to never get scared to chase her dreams just because she is a woman, to dream big even if it's failing big, and that long hair really requires a good conditioner.^_^

    We have adorable, loving little girls... We aren't the only one who will take care of them. They have strong daddies and my girl got a big brother too. Someday, they will make great friends that will care for them and the best of all, God is always there for them.:)

    1. Aww. Thanks so much, April. I don't know what to say. You just made me feel good. Virtual hug. :)

  3. Even with a boy, I know how you feel. It's been a running joke in the house because Zedi seems to prefer beautiful ladies even this young. He'd make pa-cute faces or hug or simply prefer physically attractive ladies - ladies ha? hindi girls! He actually ignores little girls or not-so-pretty ladies. Bobby would say this one could be a headache when he gets older.

    Syempre opposite pero related sa problem mo. I don't want him to grow as a heartbreaker naman no? But Bobby would always joke about how we only have 1 child and he'd be the one to fill our house with kids. I laugh but deep inside it scares me, really!

    Ang complicated ng life pag parent na no? haha

  4. I feel you..hay stressful it is to raise a girl! When I was thinking of where to send my daugther for big school I asked my husband if we should send her to a coed school or exclusive school? he anwered me exclusive school til high school. We decided to shelter her for now teaching her wha she needs to learn after high school good luck to Daddy hehehhehe

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. Oh, silly me. na delete ko pala. engeng mode.. Anyway, I know you'll do a good job in bringing her up as a woman of substance. Because you are one. And that would help her in the future. Cheers! :)

  6. I have two girls, age 8 and 4. Just like you, I raise them alone coz the father works abroad.

    Whenever I encounter "surprising" questions, I answer them the truth but with explanation, of course.

    Just prepare them for the future. It could get scary, yes, but all we can do now is protect them mildly. Kasi if we overdo it, they'd become more curious.

  7. Motherhood can be really scary no matter what sex your children are, but yeah, in a lot of ways having girls can be a lot trickier. you might want to check out the page A Mighty Girl on Facebook, lots of inspiring stories, book recommendations, and great insights for raising empowered mighty girls! :)

  8. I just cried while reading this. My sister is turning 16 on sunday and you know miss denise I have always been scared. I am scared to let her go alone on the streets and travel alone going to school. I am scared that boys will take advantage of her. I am her guardian since our parents separated and mom needed to work abroad. and then God reminded me of His promise that I can never fight this battles on my own. I have Him. you may not always be with sophia and I with suzanne but God is. And we just need to make sure that our girls know His word and live by it. Oh dear can't stop crying! god bless all mothers and feeling moms like me :)