Friends and family seem to be second-guessing my authenticity as a blogger. Perhaps, they're thinking if this blogger and the person in flesh are just one because it's not what they see in real life. Others have suddenly become distant because they thought you are not the same they thought you were.
This is a true story.
I have friends who I think are no longer my friends. I know nothing about them anymore, that's one of the many reasons. Also: we don't text, talk and see each other; not even occasionally. No communication at all. I tried to reach out to them more than I reply to my readers' comments but I didn't want to be the narrow-minded-bum-mom who would nag them for not spending time with me. So I didn't do it again, after I got nothing from them. Nothing but lame excuses. Yes, they are all busy working their asses off and here I am writing off my bad thoughts about them. OK. I am now the bad guy.
My life is here. No, not saying that this IS my life. Literally, you can read my latest daily mundane what-nots here - or at least a glimpse of it. So I thought that when I meet them, I have nothing to share with them and that I should be the one asking them instead. Right? Guess what? It was not the same as it used to be, where I get the most personal stories of their days. Maybe we're just growing up? Well, that's perfectly fine. There's no way but up. Sadly, we're all growing up apart. I felt like they're avoiding to share juicy details about themselves with me as if I'm a cheap showbiz tabloid columnist. Haha! Laugh's on me, actually. I felt like I cannot be trusted anymore.
Triste réalité: I'm gradually losing friends.
However, to be brutally frank, I don't mind. I may miss some of them and the happy stuff that we did in the past but there's no regret. If we will go back to what I was before: I was weak, almost slutty, wild child, the kind of girl moms would not want for their sons to be with, etc. I have freedom that I didn't use the right way. My decisions were too strong that not even my friends can't shatter.
I don't mind slowly losing some friends [because of this blog] because I am slowly gaining some, too.
I'm not sure though if they feel the same way towards me but having a real nice conversation with women who are like you in some ways is like smelling a newborn's breath: blissful. There's this certain understanding that you don't need to explain your actions to them because it's you. You are accepted for who you are. Your past, no matter how dark, has suddenly become a light of hope for the life you have right now. And for that, I am grateful. Blogging is one crazy beautiful world. It's not easy to find people you can be offline friends with. You have to be smart enough to know who among them are being real or just being nice. The latter's one big ouch, actually. Oh well, I'm a mom. I gave birth already (normal with a very delayed anesthesia shot baybeh) so I could brush off any painful thing I'd encounter in the future. I hope.
Yin-yang. You lose some, you gain some.
Equilibrium. Always find the balance.
Quality over quantity, always.
I am keeping those I intend to keep. So help me God.