05 December 2013

Blogging, Losing and Gaining

Friends and family seem to be second-guessing my authenticity as a blogger. Perhaps, they're thinking if this blogger and the person in flesh are just one because it's not what they see in real life. Others have suddenly become distant because they thought you are not the same they thought you were.

This is a true story.

I have friends who I think are no longer my friends. I know nothing about them anymore, that's one of the many reasons. Also: we don't text, talk and see each other; not even occasionally. No communication at all. I tried to reach out to them more than I reply to my readers' comments but I didn't want to be the narrow-minded-bum-mom who would nag them for not spending time with me. So I didn't do it again. 

My life is here. No, not saying that this IS my life. Literally, you can read my latest daily mundane what-nots here - or at least a glimpse of it. So I thought that when I meet them, I have nothing to share with them and that I should be the one asking them instead. Right? Guess what? It was not the same as it used to be, where I get the most personal stories of their days. Maybe we're just growing up? Well, that's perfectly fine. There's no way but up. Sadly, we're all growing up apart. I felt like they're avoiding to share juicy details about themselves with me as if I'm a cheap showbiz tabloid columnist. Not funny, actually. I felt like I cannot be trusted anymore. 

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Triste réalité: I'm gradually losing friends.

However, to be brutally frank, I feel that it's okay. I may miss some of them and the happy stuff that we did in the past but there's no regret. If we will go back to what I was before: I was weak, almost slutty, wild child, the kind of girl moms would not want for their sons to be with, etc. I have freedom that I didn't use the right way. My decisions were too strong that not even my friends can't shatter. 

I don't mind slowly losing some friends [because of this blog] because I am slowly gaining some, too. 

I'm not sure though if they feel the same way towards me but having a real nice conversation with women who are like me in some ways is like smelling a newborn's breath: blissful. There's this certain understanding that you don't need to explain your actions to them because it's you. You are accepted for who you are. Your past, no matter how dark, has suddenly become a light of hope for the life you have right now. And for that, I am grateful.

Blogging is one crazy beautiful world. It's not easy to find people you can be offline friends with. You have to be smart enough to know who among them are being real or just being nice. The latter's one big ouch, actually. Oh well, I'm a mom. I gave birth already (normal with a very delayed anesthesia shot baybeh) so I could brush off any painful thing I'd encounter in the future.  Or so I hope.

Yin-yang. You lose some, you gain some. 
Equilibrium. Always find the balance. 
Quality over quantity, always.

11 comments:

  1. Just dropping by to say that I've been following your blog and liking it. You write from the heart. I admire that you're able to infuse humor effortlessly in your writing. Your content is very relatable to many moms, to simple SAHMs like me who are not into lifestyle stuff - signature bags, makeup, blankets, etc. etc. I also quit work, and am much happier just the way I am now, an SAHM like you. :-) I've also a 5-yr old, adorable girl like you and a hubs I love to bits. Hats off to you, royal mom. And btw, my name's Princess. :)

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    1. Hello, my dear! Thank you and I hope you'll stay here for good. ♥

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  2. And I thought I was the only one who is thinking about losing friends I used to be super close with! With me naman, I think it's because I became a mom and we just don't connect anymore. They like partying, I like planning kiddie parties. Hahahaha!

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    1. I have single friends, too but I'm lucky they are interested in my royal domesticity. :)

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  3. virtual hug mommy beng.i learn a lot about you thru your blogs even during the bengoloid days where you write about the puting pato and all.and i wanted to say i'm happy for you.life has make you stronger,wiser and even more beautiful. :)

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  4. True friends (cliche, I know) will always be there no matter what. Just to share, I have this set of friends way back in college, and after 10 years of being friends, being more matured as time goes, the texting and conversations lessen, as well as the get together. Surprisingly, we are still as close as when we were still in college.

    Maybe, just like what you have mentioned, it's part of growing up, but If it is really the case, just thank them for the memories and move on.

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    1. I was still in denial when I wrote this but now, three months after, I'm happy to report that I have moved on! :)

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  5. While all worthy relationships need to be nurtured, true friendship is not demanding nor needy. If your friendship cannot survive time apart due to your busy schedules or different priorities, then maybe they're not the friends you need in life.

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    1. I agree! I may have fewer friends now, but they are who I want to stay. :)

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  6. You are not alone, Queen B! I can count my friends with one hand. Honestly, some of them are family pa nga. haha! I have always considered myself as somewhat anti-social. I don't make friends easily. I choose them carefully kasi.
    Now that I am a mom, it's worse. I don't have time to go out hence no chance at all of making friends. My friends before are still single and I've been singled out because I am married na. LOL the irony. Oh well, I have my best friend pa naman, and he is bound to stay with me forever. He is also known as my husband.
    All in all, I'm good.:)

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    1. Amen to that, April! I'm happy I have my husband, too as my best friend. :)

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