Last year, when my preschooler started showing signs that she was liking this boy from her previous class, I found it too cute not to notice. I almost held a press conference for family and friends, in the intention of announcing that my daughter has entertained such an emotion at a very young age. In words of a shallow-minded egotistical individual that is me, I thought I'm a cool mom. I didn't want to be that conservative, square, dull parent that has mysterious wallflower kind of kids. I want my girl and I to be best chums. She shares her secrets with me and I'd be the most fun person to be with. Wait, uhm is there a camera rolling somewhere? No, that can't be real. That can't be me. In the truest state, I am corny, KJ (kill joy) and I can't allow my daughter to get hurt.
Today, which I'm sure I'd have more in the future, was something else.
A FAIRY TALE
After my daughter's class, right before I cook for dinner, we took some rest for a bit. We do that every day. We turn on TV, cuddle up closely and in between of trying to understand what's shown on the screen, we talk about how her day went. Lately, she'd ask what I've done while she was at school; but most of the time, it's all about her. She said they ate champorado and that she finished a bowl of it. It amused me that she told me she really didn't like it but she had to. Ha! I guess she now clearly understands she has to really obey some rules. She went back to intensely watch the show before Hi-5. Out of nowhere, after a little two minutes of peace and silence, she blurted out -- "Nay, I kiss N (name of the boy)!"
As if the couch was filled with ice, I felt cold and numb. I felt my eyebrows met and was about to question her a big and mad WHY AND WHERE when I saw her eyes shadowed with a glimpse of fear. I panicked. I changed my tone to what seemed to be a total tweener's. I pretended I was... happy about it. I injected giggles to my reply -- "really honey?" Then she told me her story: the boy was acting as if he's dead and she kissed him on the lips. And she included that Rapunzel kissed Flynn when he died. I was already shaking when I heard where she planted him a smooch. Curious as to what exactly happened, I asked and asked until I got some answers. Only snippets but sort of gave me a picture of what occurred.
It opened the gates to my scary stories of motherhood, you know.
Sure, it could be an innocent act of cuteness. When I told my girl that she should save her kisses to special people, she said that the boy is special to her. So OK, I amended my speech right then and there. I gave her one special rule instead: she should only kiss me and only me on the lips. She can't kiss her father on the lips because he smokes. And that she reasoned out that her father's a boy when I said she can't kiss boys yet. She's a very smart kid; very smart, very honest and very affectionate. She is her parents' daughter, after all (braggart alert).
I thank God He gave me wisdom not to get mad at her. Instead, her slender legs were intertwined to my fat ones while I posted the issue on Facebook and eventually talked to her father. My man's sad, too. I heard it in his voice. I'm glad we're partners in this parenthood thing but it's still tough. I'm sure he finds this a lot tougher than hunting for enemies. My poor soldier, he was so eager to talk to his princess earlier. I knew he wanted to have this one-on-one serious conversation with her but she just didn't want to. It's kinda funny 'cause it's as if she's already 15 or something. I just told him not to worry 'cause I got this already. Yes, I got this.
I thought I solved the situation but frankly dear, I can't move on. Why did I feel so scared with a simple innocent kiss? Why did I feel disappointed that her teacher didn't tell me about it? Why am I so affected? I really do not know with you, fellow moms, but it's me. It was what I felt. In fact, in the status I posted on Facebook, I was ready to become my old self bitch if I see a bad comment from any of my FB friends. This issue is an issue.
Perhaps, the root of all these apprehensions is my own past. I don't want my daughter to experience what I have been through. God knows how my younger years were far from all these pink and pretty stuff I write about here. I'm just blessed He gave me another shot to living my life with a purpose. And that is when He gave me a child. My Sophia is my responsibility. Although I know and understand that there are things in a baby's life that a mommy can't control, I still want to rock this parenthood thing.
She'll grow a year older next year and I know she'll meet more kids; boys, too of course. I will always remind her of our special rule: her lips will only touch mine. I think that rule will change in the next few years when she already finds it disgusting, like how she finds my naked body. Grr. That girl! Hahaha. Oh well, I can smile now. I know this shall pass, like many of my past mommy woes. But I sure learned something from this -- be my girl's bestfriend so she'll tell me everything. ♥
What's your take on this, royalty?
I'd love to know. :)