That's me. But first, allow me to tell you more about why I said that.
I remember my sister N and I had a text-versation few days ago about the bag she bought from an online store on Instagram. She said that she originally ordered red but what was delivered to her was pink and that the one who received her order was not accommodating. I told her she should have written that in her caption to serve as a warning to other people who might order from them in the future. She said that she doesn't like doing that. I didn't argue with her. I thought it's really her personality ever since --- keeping mum to avoid arguments --- a personality I will never ever have.
I can be a tactless b*tch; my family and close friends know that. I just learned to mellow down a bit when I already had a child, who looks up to me. I want her to be the girl I was not. There are times though that I just can't help it. I really speak up when I think I should.
- I'm in a line (counter of a supermarket, MRT/LRT, basta nakapila) and the person behind me is just too close I thought he/she is my backpack. Kairita yun 'di ba? Hindi naman bibilis ang pag-usad ng pila kung didikit siya sa akin na parang konsensya ko.
- More than a year na akong hindi smoker so it really pisses me off 'pag may naninigarilyo malapit sa akin. Worse, ibubuga pa sa mukha ko kahit pinakita ko ng I'm covering my nose. Even Rhambo nakakatikim sa akin when I smell smoke inside the car (he has restraining order when he's home hehe).
- When people (family or stranger) compare my daughter to other kids. I can tell you things that would hurt like a dagger to your ego.
These are just few of the incidents that you will see the fiery side of me. I'm not really the type who can endure a piss-worthy situation. I can't just smile and pretend to be a goody-two-shoes because I'm not. I am like that in 'real life' so I hope you see that on my online life as well. I filter the things I post here and on my Facebook page though but if you meet me in person, you will actually agree that what you read is what you get. I thought of all of these after reading Martine's post about why she thought she will never be an 'ideal' lifestyle blogger. Go ahead and read it, it's one of my many favorite posts she has written.
I don't regret that I gained a higher rank in Top Blogs Philippines and had a thousand plus likes on Facebook because of my slew of giveaways. But honestly, it was a sad kind of success. At the end of the day, I question myself. Does it really make me happy? Does it really make me a good blogger? Does popularity really matter to me? When I was starting this cyber palace, I said on my very first entry that I will blog "not to brag about how cool my life is or to let people scrutinize my writing capabilities, but to simply share what I think about something every now and then."
The reason why this was called Bebengisms is because I am Bebeng and these are my isms. Simply put, I write for my sanity. When thoughts are too heavy to be caged, I release it through this blog. I write because I think that my family and friends are tired of listening to me. So I try to reach out to other people in the hope of finding solace amidst the obscurities of life. More than anything else, I write about my experiences as a mother. This crazy-happy job I signed up for is too surreal not to be shared with a fellow 'worker'. As much as I'd like to give my daughter the privacy she deserves, I still chose to tell her story here so we have something to look back to when she's old enough to start a blog of her own. There would still be giveaways here and there, don't worry (charity begins at the palace, ika nga) but as a blogger, I don't like to be remembered as a Willie Revillame. I want to have the Vic Sotto levelz. Well, pwede din Vice Ganda but I'd rather be classic than popular. I want to monetize this blog as well, of course. Take a look at my sidebar --- it's blessed! Who wouldn't want it, right?
However, as far as my posts are concerned, there will be a big change. You, my readers, may have noticed that; because I have noticed, too that I get quality comments when I write quality posts.
My heart swells whenever I read lengthy chikas. I feel like I'm on a brunch date with long-time friends. I actually want to mention those readers who do, pero baka magtampo kasi yung iba na hindi pala-comment pero nagbabasa talaga. Hehe.
I want to end this post by saying thank you to my momspiration to bliss, Martine: you helped me change the way I think of life as a mom blogger through your posts. To my badass writing idol, Frances: you are a great testimony to my "what you read is what you get" mantra, you rock. And most of all, to you who stick with me during my biggest blow last year. Remember LB's classmate A's mom? If you are a new reader, it's something that made me want to almost quit this. But hey, at least I've learned! Ganun naman minsan ang buhay eh, we learn the best way through the bad experiences we have encountered. What's important is we change for the better, but staying true to our skin. Right? :)