25 June 2014


When I finally got myself back to writing/blogging again, I also got a newfound realization that I should just do what I want to do, wherever I want to do it. Of course, there’s the routine stuff ― preparing breakfast, bringing my kid to school, dishwashing, etc. These aren’t really in my 'favorites list' but I still need to do it ‘cause I’m doing it for the person I love; the small person I call my daughter. But if we will set aside the routine and the life we’re already living, I’d rather be in a small town somewhere near a beach and has lots of trees. If it won’t be too much of a rustic experience, I’d love my girl and I to pick flowers in the afternoon so our table set-up for dinner looks fancy despite our house’s simplicity. Then my husband will pull up on the driveway and we’ll all spend the evening together like any normal family would do. Ah, this mom can dream. I just really, really want us, the three of us, to always be together.

But I know we can’t.

He’s got work to do. The girl’s got school. As for me, I need to support both of them. 

To be honest, I want to redeem my career ― in the broadcasting network where I first worked. Initially, I thought it was envy. Envy for all the material things that I can’t buy because I have no money to spend; that others have because they have a job. Envy for the title I no longer own. Envy for acknowledgment that I deserve but don't get. I was wrong. It wasn’t envy. I still have to figure out what it really is, though but I rather put it as something like “you’ve been eager to do because that’s what your heart tells you”.

I know some of you want to tell me that I can just go ahead and get a nanny to take care of my kid so I can go back to what I want to do. I hope it’s as easy as that. I don’t have a family like yours. As much as I want to tell you that I got the full support of my mom and my mother-in-law in this military family set-up that we have, lying isn’t my thing anymore. They love us, I know they do but they love their other children and grandchildren more. And I know that, too.

I guess you’re wondering now… does Denise hate being a stay-at-home mom? She looks happy with her Facebook statuses and she seems to be enjoying her time in the kitchen with her food posts on Instagram! So, what ‘s up with the drama?

There is no drama. I love being at home! I love cooking! I love that I am the first and only person who could see all the crazy beautiful things that my daughter does every single day. The happiness is beyond measure, I tell you. The housework is almost making me die but hey, I can still blog here so that means I’m still alive! 

It’s just that, I felt like there’s a fire of passion still burning inside me; passion for TV, movie, performing arts and the like. I sometimes daydream of myself being a film director of a Star Cinema produced movie starring Vilma Santos and Nora Aunor. Yes, I guess I want to do something like a modern T-Bird at Ako. Or I imagine myself singing in front of the backs of Bamboo, Sarah, Lea and Apl.de.Ap. My reveries can take me to those places, you see. LOL. 

How funny that upon concluding this post, I realized that I’m happy in wherever I am now. Well, I’m sitting in my monobloc chair that my father bought a year before he died. My mom gave this to me along with a custom-made cloth cover. Here I am typing on the pink laptop my husband bought a month before I resigned from my Training Specialist job. At my back’s the door of our room where my little sleeping beauty is. A roof of an old but beautiful house is above me. I can still taste the bittersweet kick of the marshmallow cupcakes I baked earlier whenever I burp (hihi).

I’m blessed beyond belief. So yes, I'll just let God lead me to wherever my best life will happen.

*photo source: Absurd Grace


  1. I feel you.... I'm going thru the same phase.
    But I guess you've reached both acceptance and bliss

    1. It was not easy but once you have accepted what God has given you, it's more blissful as you thought it would ever be. How are you?

  2. thanks for this post muther! sa totoo lang minsan marami rin akong naiisip na wish i can do this.. wish i can buy that and so forth but at the end of the day, i am always thankful for the opportunity na maalagaan ko ang mga bagets ko while they are young. i know time will come na magkakaroon din ako ng me time, ng work na gusto ko, etc. as long as we're happy wherever we are then go go go lang ang life! :) take care muther <3

    1. You are always welcome, my dear. Alam kong alam mo na may choices ka. Nasa sa'yo talaga kung saan mo gusto pumunta. Minsan, nasa harapan mo na but because you don't like it, hindi mo ite-take. Just pray. It's my superpower. *hugs*

  3. I have been in a limbo too as to what I really want to do as well. I work, I leave my son to a nanny and most of the time, I really wish na nasa bahay lang din ako to take care of him. I also feel na hindi pa ito yung state na gusto kong maabot, career wise. And just like you, makita ko lang na healthy yung mag-ama ko, that they are both safe, that our family intact and blessed is happiness enough. Thank you for this post. Hindi pala "imagination" ko lang yung naiisip ko :)

    1. Perhaps, you have to weigh the things that make you stay on your current job. If it pays the bills and makes you feel good naman, maybe you just need a weekend hobby that you can maintain for yourself. But if your job gives you everyday stress and you are not inspired to go to work anymore, even if it pays the bills, I think it's high time to find a replacement. ASAP. Toxic yan. Get out before you get burned out. Good luck! Balitaan mo ako. :)