08 March 2018

Today Could've Been My First Year Back At Work

One year ago today was my first day back at working away from home. I remembered how excited I was! I wore a chambray longsleeved shirt from H&M (a gift from my husband) paired with black leggings and simple black flats from Zalora since office dresscode is basically casual. I had soooo many plans as the new Marketing Manager of an iconic clothing brand! Some were approved; like the website campaign, where my blogger friends happily helped me out with. But of course, a lot were also shelved and ignored due to its ambitious nature, which needed a big budget that our department unfortunately does not have. 

One the girls from my team doing her magic. 

Oh, how I miss working in a big company and please the bosses who are paying us. HAHA! Seriously, that's what working there made me feel like. If some of you are serving your customers or clients, I did that with our bosses – make them happy at the end of the day. I didn't mind that, tbh! It still fulfilled me, anyway. My goal was to do my job and earn money. Simple and real and brutal. 

But a month after, I got pregnant. 

You can read the entire narrative in this blog post: A New Season

Like I said there, leaving work was dramatic, at least for me. I didn't want to quit then even if pleasing my bosses who have no idea yet that I was pregnant can be intoxicating for my very preggy hormones. I was thinking of the bills to pay and how garbage my resumé would look like after this. Going to work does not completely make me happy, I tell ya. But getting paid with a good position in the office are enough reasons for me not to leave. 

Because staying at home means I have to endure again the never-ending stereotyping of the people around us about women who financially depend on their husbands. Sigh. How can you make those people understand that if only I have someone I can trust to take care of my children, I will gladly go back to work and show them that I am still the unshakeable badass creative that I have always been? Well, I psyched and taught myself to no longer mind them. There's one thing that sometimes bothers me, though –my husband really never told me to stop working. I guess he also likes that we have extra money, of course. While it's perfectly fine and understandable, I still have that odd feeling that being a stay-at-home mom is just my choice. Mine and mine alone. Yup, that's my husband allowing me to be me and here's me overthinking about it. Who's in the boat with me here? Do you get what I mean? 

OK. I don't know how I'd put an end to these scattered thoughts of mine again 'cause the baby is just beside me, looking like she will wake up anytime soon. So I would just leave you with – Happy International Women's Day to one and all.


  1. Parehas tayo Ms. D. I wanted to go back to work pero hindi na din kaya ng heart ko na iwan ang daughter ko sa mother ko na alam kong mahihirapan din sa pag aasikaso sa kanya kase nag i-school na sya. Plus alam ko na hindi nya maasikaso daughter ko the way I wanted. Hiring a yaya for her is not an option anymore after our bad experience with her past yaya. Hindi din decision ng husband ko na mag stop ako. Pero sinuportahan naman nya ang decision ko. Sometimes, nararamdaman ko din na ako lang may gustong magstop for my daughter. Plus minsan, nararamdaman ko na nanghihinayang ang mother ko kase sayang daw ang ipinagpaaral nya sa akin at ang license ko (CPA ako). What to do? Alam ko kailangan ako ng anak ko. Im just praying na sana dumating yong time na mapakita ko sa kanila na tama yong decision ko at sana lumaking maayos, masaya at mabuting tao ang anak ko.

  2. I feel you. I am also a SAHM. It has been 6 - 7 years since I left my job. My pregnancy that time is so complicated. I was forced to take a bed rest for a month. Mag reresign na dapat ako sa work pero hindi ko maasikaso because of my condition kaya awol ang naging ending. When I gave birth to my daughter, sabi ko sa sarili ko, ang dami kong hirap na pinagdaanan sa kanya kaya bakit ko papa alaga lang siya sa ibang tao. I have an option to go back to work but like you, i also choose to stay. And that was the best decision ever. Yes, nawalhan ako ng career and stable income. But ang ganda naman ng kapalit. Nakakasama ko everyday anak ko. Though every day is not easy. May times na nag aaway kami ng anak ko. But part of parenting naman yun. May ups and downs talaga. Atleast marami kaming moments. I remember 2 years ago, papasok na siya sa preschool, nag apply ako work and surprisingly, natangap ako. Sabi ko pwede na ako mag work kasi preschooler na siya so pwede na iwan sa mga lola. But nung inenroll ko siya and nakita ko curriculum ng school, nagulat ako kasi nursery pero ang daming subjects. Hindi kaya ng mga lola niya yun tuturuan pa siya. So ang ending, hindi ako nag contract signing. Ayun, SAHM ulit. But okay lang kasi natuturuan ko siya so ang ganda ng performance niya sa school. For me, ayun na yun parang reward. Wala nga ako new work pero matataas naman grades ng anak ko plus okay social interactions niya with her classmates. So happy na rin ako. Yes, i know nakakamiss mag work. Nakaka miss makipag interact with other people na same age mo and same interests mo. Pero naisip ko, pag nag work ako, marami ako mamimiss na moments with my daughter. And narealize ko, yun everyday moments or bonding ko with my daughter, hindi mapapalitan yun ng career or pera. Minsan lang silang bata kaya enjoy na natin na tayo ang kasama kasi baka paglaki, iba na prefer nila na kasama. Kaya create memories, good or bad, okay lang kasi atleast may bonding kayong 2. So stop overthinking, and just enjoy being a mother to your kids. :)

  3. Ako, I never had a real career. Nka pag trabaho ako ng 3 months lang, kasi nlaman ko buntis na ako kay Jb that time kaya I resigned din agad. Tapos d na ako nakabalik ng trabaho, gusto ko din sana i pursue ung isang dream ko na kurso pero d ko rin maiwan anak ko. Kahit alam ko andyan naman nanay ko to take care of him. Siguro ganito tayo na mga nanay, if given the chance na papipiliin tayo kung career o mga anak, anak talaga. Unless we really need to work para may pagkakitaan at para buhayin anak natin. We are lucky we have husband na understanding at very supportive kung ano gusto natin. Enjoy nalang natin maging Mommy.. thank you for sharing :)

  4. No worries, Ms.D..our choice of staying at home for our child/ren will never be worthless. Take heart! 💓