04 February 2020

Why We Quit Homeschool

I shared here why we decided to homeschool Sophia last school year so I think it's just fair to also share why we quit. At first, I was ecstatic to tell our story, to say what needs to be said especially to those who want to try and were asking how and why. But as days passed, I grew little by little uninterested to even talk about this. My mind, heart and soul were shattered into pieces. That was how homeschooling and quitting it affected me, just like a toxic relationship break-up that I couldn't wait to move on from.

I want a happier us, that is why.

Please don't get me wrong, I don't hate homeschooling. In fact, methinks it's the best education for all types of children. It really is! Being hands-on to my two kids since day one, I have learned that a child's development in all aspects requires a good relationship with her parents. Isn’t it that adults with antagonistic behavior are tagged as someone with sad childhood? Or that when someone is being a troll online, people would be quick to say that that person is “kulang sa aruga” or that “hindi yan love ng mama niya”. It may sound funny especially on that context but it’s also the sad reality of the effects of a bad childhood.

So just imagine what our world would be if all children would have intentional and loving parents as their primary educator? Just imagine a day filled with play, cuddles and warm food while you, their fun-loving mom, look after them from the moment they wake up till they all go to sleep. Any working mom would die for that, I know. I love being a stay-at-home parent but I also long for those days! I mean, it only happens in Pinterest boards and perfect Instagram posts. It’s not real life unless you have a nanny, driver, maid, piano tutor, etc.

Homeschooling is the best for every child but it is the most challenging task for every parent.



When my husband and I finally decided to do it two years ago, I already felt accomplished. I thought that I was doing my daughter a huge favor. She didn’t need to wake up too early, she would have enough time to study Math, she can play with her sister anytime she wants, and the best part? She can always get a hug from me whenever she needs it. It was a dream come true for both of us! To say that we were excited is an understatement.

When we attended a homeschooling orientation, basic characteristics of a homeschool parent were discussed. Organized, that’s me! Resourceful, yup. The list went on and I checked almost all of it. I was still convincing my doubtful husband then ‘cause he said homeschooling is only for the rich. I tried telling him that that isn't true since I know a few families whose breadwinners have the same pay grade as his (just assuming actually hehe). But you know what? It turned out to be true after all. Homeschoolers are rich... with resources, time and energy! This suburban servantless military wife couldn't cope.

With a brand-new clingy baby and endless house chores, I was always picking my brains on the floor the entire time that we were homeschooling. My breasts were sore from breastfeeding, my heart was mashed from blogging career thoughts and my body was aching for some TLC from the husband. I was overwhelmingly sad during that phase of our family life. Some people remarked me as a superwoman. They said I was doing great and that it would all be worth it in the end but I knew deep in my heart that quitting was for the best.


Okay, let's get down to business. 

First, I didn't like the fact that we paid at least 35,000 pesos to our homeschool provider but I was the one teaching every day and was actually unpaid. How unfair, right? It's a JoKoy reference (look it up haha) but it's legit for us! I mean, that amount can send a kid to school the whole year already and the parent doesn't need to create lesson plans. Homeschooling is really for superfamilies. We are so not that.

Second, our house isn't good enough for homeschooling. Though I secured a small corner for Sophia's study area, it just didn't work out well. Her stuff eventually piled up into a big mountain of garbage. Eyesore every day. I cannot even. Maybe in my next life when we have a farm house or we live in the Kramers mansion haha.


Finally and most importantly, my relationship with Sophia was compromised. At first, I thought we would be closer since we had to spend every waking hour with each other. Wrong. Homeschooling built a great wall between us. I wore my teacher hat most of the day that when it's time to loving and nurturing mom hat, I just couldn't find a space in my heart to shake all my Trunchbull vibes off. 

You see, my other two reasons are lame and dumb. It's something we can easily adjust from, tbh. But the last one is hardcore. There were days when I had to look at her baby photos just to remind myself that she changed my life for the better, that she was the reason I'm still here typing my dreary thoughts away. I did all I can to revive what we have lost.

On the final portfolio presentation, I got to talk to our family adviser and she prayed for me. Some of my fellow homeschooling mommies present tried to stop me. "Sa umpisa lang yan, look at me oh 15 years ko ng ginagawa ito." "Ganyan rin kami dati eh. Iyakan at sigawan." I understand their concern. If they can, I surely can too but the thing is, my and Sophia's emotional intelligence isn't the same as theirs. 

After that day, I set up a family meeting. Yes, baby Sammy was with us too but I don't think she cared enough to listen. So there, I told them Sophia would go back to her former school. We would go back to how our dynamic was before. Homeschooling taught me hard and good that quitting is definitely not for losers. Homeschooling made me realize my real top priorities. I might try it again but maybe if I'm a different person raised by a gentle mother so I can be gentle to my kids, too. I strongly believe that how we are today has something to do with our childhood. So this is why we quit homeschool. I hope you have picked a lesson or two from our story.

Update: Sophia's back to practising two religions, #baonserye has occasional appearances on my social media, too and we can hug each other again without grudges Math brings LOL.

20 comments:

  1. "There were days when I had to look at her baby photos just to remind myself that she changed my life for the better, that she was the reason I'm still here typing my dreary thoughts away."

    This hits hard close to home. Madalas din kami nagtatalo ng anak ko at may mga bagay talagang hindi maiwasang mainis, pero kapag tinitignan ko sya after nun naiiyak ako madalas (parang OA pero ganub talaga nararamdaman ko) at alam ko na kailangan ko magsorry. Hindi ako naniniwala na kailangan mo maging firm lalo na kung nakikita mong nasasaktan siya pati na din ikaw.

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  2. Thank you for being so honest. I wished more people were as raw and unfiltered so that they can be truly aware of two sides of homeschooling —- the good side and the challenging side —- before taking the leap.

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  3. Love this, Denise! Been homeschooling for years but we still experience a lot of bad days. I can totally relate with what you experienced. In our case though, ayaw ng bagets malagay sa traditional school. And so here we are, lumalaban pa din. Haha! We don't know until when we are going to homeschool, taking it one year at a time.

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  4. I understand the pains in homeschooling and this only shows that homeschooling is really not for everyone. I am a homeschool mom for 3 years now and my relationship with my daughter has grown stronger. We fought and argued sometimes over lessons we both couldn't understand but, at the end of the day we mend things out. Next year, she will in senior high and will be going back to school. Part of me will be missing her but, I'm glad we're both able to survive homeschooling and I know she has learned a lot in this phase of her life and she will be able to use this on her next journey.

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  5. Homeschooling is a great reality checker tool. I realized I am the one that needs changing. There are times when I just cry out my frustration. But I really can't give up on my kids. Esp in these currrnt times.

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  6. Thank you for this, and i agree that homeschooling isnt for everyone. I have low emotional quotient so i get pikon easily if my son isnt focused or complaining a lot. Initially, i was interested in homeschooling him. Parang ang ganda kasi ng reviews ng homeschooling so just to test the waters, i tried to tutor him on his school homeworks. It was a disaster. Either i walk out on him or he ended up crying. In the 1 month that i tried, less than 10% yata ung ok ang session namin. So, i totally scrapped the idea na. Kasi either we would end up as enemies, or i will die of a stroke due to high blood pressure. Ha ha ha!

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  7. I'm gonna put this here na lang, with my additional response.

    Homeschooling is not for everyone, but parenting is, if you have a child. So it's okay to quit the homeschooling part if it means keeping the relationship.
    We have a totally different experience - been homeschooling for 10 years now - 3 kids - and we love it. Though I do not recommend it to everyone. Different Family, Different Calling.
    And nope, we don't always talk about educating, haha! We have other friends, our kids are well-socialised with people of different ages and status - and if I may say so, different religious affiliations. I'd be gagging, myself, if it's all I have to talk about. :)

    Believe me, we're not always patient. In fact, I think it's my kids who are more patient with me than me with them. But it is a calling for our family - and by God's grace, we are able to stick to it for this long. A more seasoned homeschooling mom once advised me when I was just starting out to take homeschooling a year at a time. Seasons change. Perhaps your one homeschooling year was the one year you were called to do it. I'm sure there were so many lessons that you can derive from it - as they say, homeschooling can be God's way to show us our hearts' condition, and by it, we learn to heal and to grow.  

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    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, May! 😊

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  8. Homeschooling is great if you can afford it,and you have enough time,patience teaching and guiding your children.But the child missed the experience to socialize with his or her peers.

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  9. Such a very well-written, honest, and thoughtful piece. My wife shared this with me. Keep on writing! :)

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  10. My heart goes with you. I am a mom to my daughter at home and her teacher at school (at least for an hour!). Truly, it's really challenging to wear many hats for your loved one. I am happy that you finally decided what's best for you and your family. May God Bless your new journey together 😊

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  11. When my youngest was in grade 6 he was bullied by his adviser, ayaw ng pumasok ng anak ko gusto nalang nyang maghomeschool. But he took an exam to Pisay so DepEd and I made an agreement to give us grades if my son passes the Pisay NCE if not balik grade 6 anak ko. Homeschooling is not for us but I prepared him on his elementary and intermediate algebra in case he passes Pisay. Monday to Friday 1 hour only but it seemed eternity to him. December 2014 came he passed the NCE, sabi ko sa DepEd itransfer ko nalang po sya ibang school hindi ko kaya ang homeschooling ��

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  12. Yes, thank you for sharing. Anyway home schooling is not bad at all. True, you will be a great mom and a good teacher to your child. But the experience of sending them to school is a great endeavor. They know how to be socialize with others. And be filled with their peers.

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    1. In all fairness, kids can actually socialize MORE with other kinds of people when they are homeschooled.

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  13. Thank you foe sharing your story. I was also considering my only son to be homeschooled. He is just in his senior kinder year now. But this quarter i felt that math is getting harder for him & i’m not sure if his school is really teaching him well in that subject. I am also having a hard time tutoring him at home so i realized home schooling will not be for us. I also decided that i will enroll him in a tutorial school for his math subject because i feel that i will not be an effective teacher for him when i shout & fight a lot whenever we study at home.

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  14. Eversince i am not into homeschooling bec.it will limit my children's know how in socializing which is very crucial in every child's development
    . Each child is unique..each situation is different. Indeed, homeschooling is not for everyone.

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    1. To be fair, homeschooling doesn’t limit children’s socialization. That’s a myth.

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  15. There are many different kinds of homeschooling - homeschooling with a provider is only one of them. The provider kind doesnt look like a good fit for your family, maybe one of the other kinds of homeschooling will work better for you, should you decide to come back to it and do more research.

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    1. The problem wasn’t the provider or how we do it but by the fact that it wasn’t for me. So it will never work no matter what HS kind we do.

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