30 September 2012

Someday, Baby

Dear Baby Blood,

Tatay came home before my birthday so we could be with you 9 months after. We really wanted to be with you. We prayed and wished for you. Even Ate Sophia was practicing how to be a big sister. She sometimes think of you as her toy dinosaur, Dino. Or her imaginary pet animal, Rekeli. My little angel, Tatay could have been the happiest man if we could be with you. But we lost you.


I am very sorry. I didn't know I already had you.

I thought it was my monthly period. 11 days of bleeding (and counting), I was not expecting that it was you. I went to Dr. Domingo, my OB-GYN earlier and she advised me to have Trans-V ultrasound. We should thank Tito Aboy, he's my brother that you should have met if only you were completely formed to become my 2nd bundle of joy. He's kind of weird but he has a heart of gold. I didn't bring enough money for the ultrasound but Tito Aboy provided. And to Mama Amor for looking after feverish and coughing Ate Sophia.

Dr. Capinpin, the Sonologist of In My Womb in SM Marikina was really good. She was actually the resident Sonologist in St. Victoria Hospital who confirmed your sister's gender. She told me she didn't see any complex mass and there could be no way that you were an ectopic pregnancy. She showed me the fluid that was left of you and it made my heart crushed. But she didn't tell me the results yet. My gut feeling was right. You will no longer be with Nanay.

My beloved baby blood, I want you to know that I can endure the excruciating and fun pain of having you inside me for 9 months. But Dr. Capinpin said that if ever you have been saved at an earlier stage, it is still going to be a complicated journey for the two of us. Good thing Nanay is safe, because your Ate Sophia needs me. And I know Tatay will be sad to see me sick. Our readers will miss me, too. Thank you for still being a good baby.

Sigh. I feel bad about losing you. However, I know we will meet soon. Like what my friends and fellow moms said, you will come in God's time. But please negotiate with the Big Guy up there for you to come back real soon, okay? Nanay will do her best to be in her healthiest form so you would enjoy your 9-month amniotic fluid swim inside my tummy. For now, let the prescribed Methergine completely send you home to Heaven. 

I still haven't told Tatay about you. He is still busy working somewhere high. Be their angel, baby. 

I have already loved you the day we were planning for you,
Nanay

12 comments:

  1. naiyak nmn ako d2 :(
    super sad sis...pro sbi,
    "To every thing there is a season,
    and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Ecc 3:1

    May reason si LORD for that,.and we know na meron pa SIYA mas mganda plan for you & for your family..100% better than our own plan.

    i know na you're still sad lalo na wala hubby mo sa side mo to comfort you..Just stay strong Denise & Pray..

    I will also include you in my prayers..
    GOD Bless.

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    1. I claim HIS plans for me right now. Thank you, Joanne.

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  2. Awww, take lots of rest Ms. Bebeng, so that's why you were feeling lethargic these past few days. Baby blood is now your angel, hope he/she will be back sometime in the near future. And when you're ready, take prenatal vitamins regularly. It will help prepare your body for a healthy conception. Need nyo po muna magpahinga talaga.

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  3. Yes, Ms. Denise, have faith that your little angel will come back. Take lots of rest, and vitamins too, so you'll be more than ready when he/she arrives. I don't know if this will help, but my mom wrapped her blood stained piece of cloth and buried it in soil, when she lost our supposed-be-sibling. She did it as a form of memorial, for the lost soul. We offered prayers and treated our lost sibling as if we met had him/her. Mom and Dad even gave the "baby" a name, so we could include him/her in our prayers. After all, a life lost should never be forgotten. Hoping for your recovery Ms. Denise.

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    Replies
    1. Marianne, you are one of my loyal readers ever. You're always there to make me feel I'm not alone whenever I'm going through a sad phase. Thank you so much.

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  4. aww bords...yun na nga yun eh...so sad to hear about your loss. :(

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  5. He knows you are a strong woman. He got better plans for you and your family. I am sure baby blood is already looking over you, pia and tatay ramon. We are all here to pray for you. God is good always! pagaling k nanay bebeng. - mjei

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  6. This post made me cry. I can SO relate. I had two previous miscarriages. It was difficult to process why God allowed them to happen but eventually He made me realize that it was because it wasn't the perfect timing yet. Now He was blessed me with 3 precious kids. Trust that He will bless you with more if that's what His plan is for you. Be comforted by the thought that you have an angel up there rooting for you. Take care and take it easy for now!

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  7. So sad to hear about this. I know how you feel coz I too have undergone 2 miscarriages. Right now, its hard to accept it since you are really hoping for a new addition to your family but eventually you will be able to see God's Plan for you and your family. Be strong and I'm sure God will bless your family with a new member in due time.

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  8. ngayon ko lang nabasa denise.na sad ako.take a rest,yon ang kailangan mo now.take care.

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  9. I read the e-mail reply you sent so I rushed to your blog. Naiyak naman ako dito. I almost lost our baby boy as well. Like you, I had no idea I was pregnant. I thought it was just my usual monthly visit.

    Get well soon, Denise! I will include you and your family in my prayers.

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