06 December 2018

Life Lately: Blogging for His Glory

Things were pretty intense in the Rayala household the past few weeks that iced cold coffee, doughnuts and Netflix weren't enough to calm me. 

It started with Sophia's first Portfolio Review, a quarterly assessment for homeschooling families that's basically the basis of what a student learned at home with her parent-teacher. So you see, it felt like thesis-making in college all over again. Except that I had to collect Math worksheets as proof that she can already do mental addition, subtraction and multiplication of 2 to 3 digits. Also, since Sophia's greatest academic strength is drawing, I wanted to showcase that in all of her subjects, if possible. Can you feel the pressure? Can you feel the force in my nape that slowly gravitates into every nerve in my brain whenever I tried not to yell at a slow-paced Sophia? Can you feel my heart pounding each time I have nervously laid Sammy Bear to sleep, wishing she'd wake up a little later?


Speaking of our baby love, she has majorly contributed to whatever is the total amount of my tiredness. I love her to bits and her laugh flies me to the moon but my back is just dying whenever we're out. Buhatan forever dot com. 

One more thing, I've been preparing for Samantha's dedication and first birthday party. My husband does what he can to help but of course, it's mostly on me since he has to work. Doing the nitty-gritty party preps is fine, it's working around a specific budget while making sure fun plans will still be met that is tough. Most importantly, hoping that the guests will enjoy is making me more anxious as the days go by.

Then... I felt that no one reads whatever I write here. I felt I've dulled my own sparkle whenever I have to turn down an event invite. I suddenly felt irrelevant. I wanted to quit blogging.

But God sure knows how to make His faithful children feel good about life and themselves despite the trials. He spoke to me during Sunday service about attaining the legit kind of success people should go after and giving back the glory to Him. Then at the same time, R said he felt bad that I wanted to quit. I shushed him even before he wanted to tell me that he supported my love to blog since day one and yet I'm quitting just because of lame reasons. I realized I was being selfish. I realized that all I wanted was virtual standing ovation from the netizens so that brands would think I'm an important online personality. Thus, monetizing my blog. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to earn money. But when it becomes your why, surely, there is discontentment that begets anxiety that begets self-hatred that begets depression that begets brokenness. Making money as the main purpose of blogging is not for me. I love blogging. I won't let the bad vibes ruin its worth in my life. 

So from now on — I will be here for me, I will stay for Him. 


***
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, 
do it all for the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:31

2 comments:

  1. Amen! I remember what our pastor said when he preached about brokennes, it is where God allows circumstances for us to draw closer to Him. We love you miss D. Keep blogging, keep us smiling, especially with your chika of your everyday hanash at yung mga witty answers/comments ni ate S sa usapan nyo. Cheer up ms D!❤

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  2. such a wonderful read Miss Denise. I've been blogging since 2004 but I've never had that "peak" they get from blogging as most bloggers do now. Then 2018 came and I still have this thought of continuing blogging, I've never earned much from blogging but now I am quite open to the idea.. I guess there's what they call the "creative block" we may periodically get from blogging, smilar to a burnout. I'm happy that you've realized that blogging is really a passion for you and it's not all about the moolah. Still, it won't hurt if we get some incentives coming from it. What I admire is your drive to make this blog a way for you to share God's faithfulness. Cheers to more years of sharing your wisdom to the world! :)

    xoxo
    anythingrad.com

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