08 September 2017

A New Season

It's been six months since I last wrote here. Not proud of it but it surely gave me the blogger's rest that I deserve and surprisingly, taught me a few lessons, too. 

You see, I went back to work on March; coincidentally started on International Women's Day. After five years of being a stay-at-home mom that shifted to mompreneurhood to working at home as a Social Media Manager, I wore my best working mom hat again as a Marketing Manager of a group of companies. I accepted the challenges and won it over - from the daily commute to office politics to unapproved proposals. What I dreaded most was missing my daughter, Sophia every minute that I was not home with her.


My usual day starts at four in the morning - cooking and preparing our baon, having some quick but hearty breakfast and helping my little lady dress up for school. By the time she leaves at 5:30, my exhaustion is starting to creep in into my nerves. But instead of slowing down or going back to sleep like I used to, I'd wash the dishes, tidy up the house then prepare for work. The office is relatively near home but I still travel for an hour. Initially, I get Uber but it leaves a painful scar on my budget so I decided to simply become a warrior and brave all unpleasantness that riding jeepneys give.

One of the companies.

Before I started on March 8th, I bought a cellphone for Sophia. It's the most basic - just for calls and texts. I call her when I know she's already home from school. Sometimes, my mom accompanies her. Once in a while, my mother-in-law visits her and waits with her until I come home. But sadly, most of the time, she opens the gate on her own and would be greeted by no one but our pet cats. It was the most heartbreaking moment. There was even an instance that the landlord locked the gate without notifying us. Imagine how I panicked! My daughter ended up waiting for my brother-in-law in her bus driver's carwash shop. 

Back then, we go with the flow. The inevitable happened - my #baonserye posts went down the drain eventually and I found myself overstaying at the office once a week due to heavy workload. Sophia and I only had a few minutes before bedtime, sometimes none, to talk about how our day went. And though my husband, R fully supports me, I felt a disconnection. When he's home during weekends, I'm too tired to fully become the wife that I want myself to be. Yes, we had extra money to go to the mall, watch movies and eat out but it's nothing compared to the simple things we enjoy doing together - like walking the dog, visiting our moms or dining at our favorite pares place. 

I may not have financial woes for having money of my own but deep inside me, I knew there was something wrong.


Sophia's summer break officially started on April. R and I agreed that it's best that he tries to become a working slash hands-on dad. As in, Sophia stayed with him at the camp for a week! My mama instinct gave him a hefty list of reminders, of course. I even packed our girl's clothes in pairs. But guess what, it went well contrary to the belief of others that dads can't take care of their kids. They swam thrice during the week and had fun. I naturally missed her but I felt relaxed. My only concerns on a daily basis was my work and feeding our cats. 

A week after Sophia's vacation with R, I was back on my toes; never felt so stressed before. R and I fought over the littlest things. I cursed a lot, ate a lot. And my staff at the office saw half of the monster in me. Then Holy Week vacation came, we all stayed at the camp. While I finally found time to relax and breathe healthier air, I didn't feel like getting intimate with my husband. A week after that, we fought really bad. R even told me after we survived it that he saw us drifting apart. He thought maybe our constant fights will eventually end our marriage; that maybe that's the result of me juggling too many balls at once. 

But as dear children of God, He didn't allow that to happen. 

On April 23rd, I woke up with mega tender breasts, sore joints and delayed menstrual period. Even if R and I were giving each other cold feet (as in no hugs, kisses and sweet nothings), I woke him up and asked him to buy me pregnancy test kits. He smiled. I felt it coming and had originally planned to take a video of their reaction should it come out positive. Maybe because I was not so sure that I even thought of it. Surprise, surprise. As I went out of the bathroom after taking the test -  I shrieked "Beeeeeeeeeb!" and ran to my husband. I was waving the stick that shows two lines on my right hand and holding my thumping-so-hard-chest with my left. I couldn't believe it.

After years of trying, of praying, of accepting Sophia will be an only child for the rest of our lives, of just letting God does His work on us - I GOT PREGNANT.

R was preparing breakfast when I showed him the powerful stick. Tears sprung from our eyes and we hugged tight. Sophia, our soon-to-be big sister was emotional. When we explained what the two lines meant, she cried. No, she bawled hard! I was not exactly sure why but I knew she was darn happy. She prayed for a sibling - every.single.night.


As the leader of our team, I told my girls about the awesome news to give them a heads-up. One of my staff said God gave me this beautiful blessing because I'm caring. The other (the one who saw the monster me, haha) concluded my yelling bouts in the office as one of the early signs of pregnancy. And one of them came to the office with food that I was craving for. Days went so slow and morning sickness came. Just like when I was pregnant with Sophia, I had mild hyperemesis gravidarum. I took a week's rest from work but when I finally went back, I got sick again. 

I decided to quit. 

My mind and heart battled dramatically. I didn't want to leave my job because it pays the bills, because I have a lot of plans that involve my earnings - Sophia's piano and voice tutorials, traveling the country, a house of our own and weekly date nights with my husband. I initially planned to just take leave of absence but when I consulted our HR head, she said that it's best that I resign. There were a lot of pending work that needed attention and leadership, that needed my replacement. When I told R about it, he said that it makes sense to quit since we actually cannot find someone to help me with house chores, much more a nanny for when I give birth and will go back to work. 

It dawned on me that this is what God has planned for me all this time. It's just that I'm such a hardheaded child of His, who tests my fate without faith. Now, I choose to only do whatever it is that glorifies Him. And I can never be happier.

May this new season of my life help you reflect and discern if the life you are living now is what God truly wants for you.


  1. i cried...
    im a mom of a 9-y.old daughter (only child) doing almost the same daily stressful routine as yours :(

    1. Aww. May God give your tired body, soul and heart its much needed rest.

  2. Congrats Rayala Family.

    Happy birth month Nanay Bebeng and Ate Sophia. ������

  3. Truly God had his own way of showing you which direction to take and the destiny he made for you... I am so happy for you! Nakakiyak Yun struggling part pero nakakainspire that you and Sophia made it!

    1. God is so good to us kaya I felt that I really have to share this story. The best talaga si Lord, as always!

  4. All the best for you and your family, Mommy D ��

  5. Congrats sa new baby (on the way). Truly God knows what is best for you and your family. ;)

  6. Super happy for you Ms Denise! From your Bebengisms days I know just how much you longed to have another baby. Prayers and wishes for your safe mommy journey. Indeed, God has greater plans for us, minsan lang di natin agad napapansin.

    P.S. Aliw na aliw ako dun sa expiry shirt ni Sophia :D

  7. I can relate to your situation Denise. I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum during my 1st pregnancy which forced me to stop working for 8 months. Thankfully, my boss didn't let me resign, the company still gave me a position after giving birth. After 3 years, we planned for another baby, took 10 months to see the positive sign and then again, there's hyperemesis again which forced me to stop working, again. The same company decided to close business during the peak of my sickness, and for me it was really a blessing in disguise. It meant that there's no need for me to work anymore and I was paid with an enough amount to help our family until delivery. Lesson that I learned with my pregnancies was that GOD will really provide, he knows the perfect timing for everything. He even gave me the right job 6 months after delivery, I'm a WAHM now. So kapit ka lang Mommy Denise and always pray. God bless!