21 May 2013

Hey momma, we are all WORKING!

I decided to write this post not to pick a fight with my fellow mommies who work away from home, but to try to shed a light on some mommy matters I consider trivial, but very controversial.


Recently, there has been a buzz that somebody raised an argument that modern moms MUST get a job to be able to provide for the family and not just be contented on waiting for their husband's salary. At first, what I saw in that post was not the ridiculous character of the author, but the wrong usage of words and/or grammar. Hehe. I thought it was too embarrassing to rant and have said it in such a lousy way. I hoped that the person just wrote it in Filipino. Anyway, I was not affected at all; not until some mommy friends gave me their opinions on this. Says Camille of Lollies and Lipsticks, "iba-iba tayo ng household and the way we do things might not work with other people. Respect na lang, tutal being a housewife is a decision made not by moms alone. I believe our partners agreed..." 

I felt that I needed to make other mommies aware, especially those who might be thinking the same way like the "assaulter", that our decision to be at home with our children doesn't mean we are just pigs waiting to be fed and bathed. Like what Vivian's (aka D of The Soshal Network) favorite quote by Jane Sellman said, "The phrase working mother is redundant." True. A mother works, regardless if she's at home taking care of the kids or away to earn extra money for the family. 


We can't say that all modern women/wife/mother MUST get a job. The word must is like insinuating that those who stayed at home are the lesser persons they have been because they chose not to be career-oriented individuals. My personal life has been like an open book since I started this blog. But what most of you doesn't know is that I miss going to work. I miss dressing up, putting on make-up, wearing heels and speaking in front of an audience. I miss the feeling of being applauded after a day's seminar. I miss reading my trainees' positive (most of the time!) evaluation. I miss the appreciation because I've done my job well. I miss spending my own money. But those cannot be ever compared to waking up every.single.day beside my daughter; not even the appreciation part. 

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I chose to leave my job as a Training Specialist because my husband and I mutually thought that our daughter needs a parent at home and not just a nanny. We felt that we were being unfair with her, if we choose to live a comfortable life financially, and yet what she actually needs is someone to nurture her emotionally. As parents, we might have thought that we are already doing good just because we were working so hard, earning so much money, putting good food on the table and buying expensive branded stuff for them (which I think they won't care at a young age). 

Why not try ask your children on what they actually need?

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I did that to my 4-year old when I was really having a tough day cleaning, washing clothes and prepping her up. That point made me want to leave the house, her and go back to job-hunting. Endless housework tortured me. I asked her, "you want Nanay to go back to work and leave you to a yaya?" My very innocent and frank daughter said "No Nay, I want you. Because Tatay is at the camp." Then there goes a lump in my throat, heavy breathing and when I hugged her, I wept. I realized that more than anyone else, it is I she needs. Her mother who carried her for 9 months, whom she shared air to breath and blood to live. Not a relative who may love her dearly but not as much as I can; and especially not a stranger who's just doing her job, who might actually do her bad when I'm not at home. I had that experience when LB told me her yaya slapped her face inside the CR because she refused to take a bath. I vowed that it will never happen again.

I chose to be with my daughter because I don't want her to grow up without a parent at home. Her father's already away and it gives her so much pain already whenever she misses him. I want to be my daughter's very first bestfriend, someone she can talk to anytime about anything.

I'm sure other mommies have their own choices, too. Like what my sister Nicole said, "Oh well, I am one domesticated career woman. If I become very wealthy, I'll stop working and be a stay at home mom, priceless! Iba-iba tau. My mother showed me both and I'd like to do both." 


When I asked about other mommies' reactions on this controversial issue, the first I got was a laugh. It's like a laugh of security and bliss. This sealed the fact that this issue is really as lame as the one who authored it. Says Mommy Pehpot of Make or Break"bwahahahaha" Sorry mommas, that's what she really said. Lol. And another funny comment I got was from my good friend, fellow SAHM and  Army wife, Chique"Ang masasabi ko lang masarap tumunganga maghapon at maghintay ng grasya! Hahahaha!" Of course, she was joking. She's an erstwhile Chemist, mind you.

Moms are the ones responsible of teaching the kids what real happiness is. Say, if you've been giving them more material things than spending quality time with them, that could be their basis of love. Or that's where they could draw happiness from. Like what my MIL used to do when she was not retired yet and we were still living with her. She used to always bring home pasalubong to LB that when she forgets to give one, LB gets really mad and refuses to talk to her. It's the same effect of showering your child with material bliss rather than attention, genuine love and time.

Now it changed when we moved out and I became a full-time mom and wife. My daughter has become more appreciative of little things around her because not everything were given to her as she pleases. And that her father's homecoming is her absolute happiness. Well, aside from watching My Little Pony in YouTube. ;)


Here's a real deal-breaker. If only I could leave my daughter to someone I can trust, I might have gone back to work. I finished college anyway. I was a Dean's Lister. I was an ace employee. I had so much drive to do the best. I wanted to be the woman my daughter would like to be someday. But I'm not someone who could trust anyone easily anymore. Anyone can be a bad guy. And I thought that if I'd go back to work just because I feel that my college degree has been put to waste now that I'm at home, that means I'm doing my job for myself and not for my child's future. 


To moms who work away from home to help their husbands earn more for the family in securing your children's future, I salute you for the courage in leaving them to a nanny or a relative. I can never do that again, unless I really need to go back to work because my husband has lost his job; which at this point will not happen because he is a very hardworking man. To moms whose goal is to give a comfortable life for their family because that's what they think parents should do, continue doing it for your children and not because that's what the society tells you to. 

I hope the battle of words between SAHMs and career moms will soon be over. We should not be fighting for the crown of being the perfect mother; because we're not being a good example to our kids (especially to our daughters) if we will continue to dis one another. It's as if we're making motherhood such a big task. Motherhood can sometimes be tough but it's a blessing. We don't want them to choose dogs over kids in the future, right? Or is it fine with you?

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Whatever we are doing for our children right now, 
let's do it for them because we love them.

As for me, I'm dreaming of having a freelance work, which won't eat up much of my time so I can still do some housework, go out on dates with my husband, take care of my princess, travel with them and have some money for a little shopping. I don't want to get a job with a very minimal salary then hire a nanny and feed her; that will leave me with nothing to spend, actually. For now, I'm a stay-at-home mom who blogs and so PROUD OF IT.

How about you, queen? Please share what you think about this. 


  1. Well first, I think it's sad that an actual 'argument' should ensue because of this. I couldn't imagine having to 'argue' either side simply because being a working mom and a stay-at-home mom is still motherhood placed in different contexts. :) There's nothing 'arguable' about it in my opinion.

    Just to share my story (may sharing talaga.hehe), I used to be a working mom, and my career was doing ok in the corporate world - there was a lot of promise in advancing to higher positions. Then I got pregnant. And my priorities changed. :) So when my daughter was about 7 months old, I decided to resign. We are actually blessed to have a yaya we can really trust - she's been my little one's 'angel' since she was five days old. :) BUT even so, my desire to be physically part of every step and milestone of her childhood is faaaar stronger than the temptation of promotions, pay raises, bonuses, and whatnot. So even if I knew her yaya could take care of her and love her like she would her own child while we're away at work, I still made the big decision to say goodbye to my corporate career. What I earn now as a freelancer is not even half of what I used to earn, but I am absolutely happier now that my daughter and I have a closer relationship, I get to take care of her when she's sick, I get to instill values in her, I get to teach her preschool basics (colors, ABC, 123, etc.), I get to monitor closely what she eats and what she does, I get to actually 'see' her development --- priceless talaga yung mga moments na ito. :)

    I do get 'burned' by some people who think na wala naman akong ginagawa sa bahay, na nagpapataba lang ako - but I know better naman so deadma na lang. :) If they say it to me face to face, then I get the chance to 'explain', if they talk behind my back, well I hope they enjoy the conversation - sayang naman yung time nila na pagusapan ako kung di nila maenjoy. Hehe. :)

    So sa mga mommies who 'try' to argue which is 'better' or who put down the other - good luck po. Walang mananalo sa argument, dahil pareho naman kayong panalo na talaga - e mga nanay kaya kayo - wala nang mas panalo pa sa motherhood - whether you decide to be a working mom, SAHM or WAHM. :)

    Chill, smile, and hug your little ones - don't forget to do the last step, our kids are growing balls of love, they could teach us so much. :)

  2. the bwahaha was more like a mockery.. I know it's mean pero having experienced rush hour traffic, there is no way that I will choose that over my kids.. everyone can call me anything they want, pero really, ang sarap kaya matulog sa hapon! :)

    for working moms out there, I know naman na some people thinks na pabaya silang ina for leaving their kids..pero hello?!? kanya kanyang choice un no! Iba din feeling na may nabibili ka para sa anak mo, that you were able to provide their needs..

    in the end talaga, kanya kanya lang, respeto na lang :)

  3. Hi Denise! First of all, there shouldn't be a distinction kung WAHM, SAHM or working mom, lahat tayo moms period. Wala naman contest sa pagiging nanay at correct ka, choice mo yun kung magwork ka or hindi. Dinaanan ko kasi lahat yang phases na yan working mom, SAHM at ngayon WAHM na. Lahat naman yan may challenges. Ako, I chose to be WAHM kasi may opportunity to work from home and be with my kids so, why not grab the opportunity di ba? I just hope na we help each other na lang kasi lahat tayo nanay, dapat walang away. We are in this together. :)

  4. I think there’s nothing really an issue about SAHM and WORKING Moms, it’s their choice eh. Like ako, I’m working but I’m not “pabaya” with my princess, as in 100% because one day is not just about working, I mean after you’ve work, you have your time with your kids, kumbaga, work-life balance lang yan. Kanya-kanyang diskarte, pero you’ve said, iba-iba tayo. Besides, SAHM is working too, in another terms. Kaya nga tayo SUPERWOMAN diba?:D

  5. in my opinion that comment (as exacly written in this blog) must have come from a narrow-minded and insecure and obviously an unhappy mom. in fact i'm surprised na ang issue na yang ay dapat pang pag debatehan. anyway, i love what you said ms denise. btw, this is my first time to comment, i just discovered your blog recently and i love it. thanks for this post :)

  6. I'm a work-at-home mom although I was once a Chemist working in a cement company what seems to be eons ago! :D Yes, we run different households and have different ways of raising our kids. Even among WAHMs, we just can't agree on what is the exact way to do this and that but that's perfectly alright! There is no need for anyone to bash the other mommy just because she chose a different path as you did. That's why I agree with you.

    If I were working as a chemist, I'd probably be looked up to by my subordinates, get praised for my work, get a raise and bonus, get promoted, etc. Would I love that? ABSOLUTELY! But that does not mean I regret leaving that job. I love working at home even when my son takes up most of my waking hours because I don't have a nanny. I don't care if I have to work in the wee hours of the morning just because I can't work much during the day when he is awake. Do I love that? ABSOLUTELY! I won't trade this job for anything that they say is "more secure" a.k.a. a desk job.

    Just seeing his eyes light up when he wakes up and see me in my makeshift office inside our bedroom melts my heart. Letting him watch his Mother Goose Club and other favorite videos in my office while he dances to the tunes and shouts in happiness is certainly priceless. Other moms may not find that as cute as I do but I do! Just as I don't bash the so-called "career moms", they don't have the write to bash me and other moms because of our choice! To each her own, di ba?

    Let me quote a portion from Desiderata:

    "If you compare yourself with others,
    you may become vain and bitter;
    for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
    Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

    Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
    it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time."

    Those may not come from the same verse but are quite related to this discussion ;)

  7. Who cares which one is easier? Both have their difficulties and no one is handing out awards to the women doing the "harder" job. As a SAHM, many times I complain mostly because "talking" with adults is something I crave. I talk to a 3 year old and 1.5 year old all day and they aren't great conversationalists:) Saying to some one on message board that "I am having a hard day" and getting some sort of encouragement or an "I am right there with you", makes me feel better. Why can't we all support each other instead of rip one another down?

  8. If the premise of being a working mom is justifiable, then the argument proving that being a SAHM is better for the kids doesn't mean stay at home moms don't have better judgment. It depends on the situation, I believe.

  9. Nice post Denise.
    I don't see any "real" issue between working moms and SAHMs and WAHMs.

    Anyway, I did check for legal issues on this post and the thread of comments, and found none.
    Keep up the good work and may we all be reminded that we write to express and inform, not to make a mockery of anyone (which is a pleasure for me sometimes hehe) or to hurt someone deliberately. Great bloggers know their responsibilities to themselves and most importantly to the public. In case of any breach, you now all know where to reach me. Ehem ;-)


  10. To the mom who's breastfeeding: Way to go! It really is an amazing gift to give your baby, for any amount of time that you can manage! You're a good mom.

    To the mom who's formula feeding: Isn't science amazing? To think there was a time when a baby with a mother who couldn't produce enough would suffer, but now? Better living through chemistry! You're a good mom.

    To the cloth diapering mom: Fluffy bums are the cutest, and so friendly on the bank account. You're a good mom.

    To the disposable diapering mom: Damn those things hold a lot, and it's excellent to not worry about leakage and laundry! You're a good mom.

    To the mom who stays home: I can imagine it isn't easy doing what you do, but to spend those precious years with your babies must be amazing. You're a good mom.

    To the mom who works: It's wonderful that you're sticking to your career, you're a positive role model for your children in so many ways, it's fantastic. You're a good mom.

    To the mom who had to feed her kids from the drive thru all week because you're too worn out to cook or go grocery shopping: You're feeding your kids, and hey, I bet they aren't complaining! Sometimes sanity can indeed be found in a red box with a big yellow M on it. You're a good mom.

    To the mom who gave her kids a homecooked breakfast lunch and dinner for the past week: Excellent! Good nutrition is important, and they're learning to enjoy healthy foods at an early age, a boon for the rest of their lives. You're a good mom.

    To the mom with the kids who are sitting quietly and using their manners in the fancy restaurant: Kudos, it takes a lot to maintain order with children in a place where they can't run around. You're a good mom.

    To the mom with the toddler having a meltdown in the cereal aisle: they always seem to pick the most embarrassing places to lose their minds don't they? We've all been through it. You're a good mom.

    To the moms who judge other moms for ANY of the above? Glass houses, friend. Glass houses.

    - Lurker

  11. even if most families nowadays are dual income ones, SAHMs should not be seen as good for nothings that don't help their hubbies or be made to feel guilty they are not bringing home half of the bacon (or pancetta or prosciutto, siyempre modern mom daw so our ingredients have gone way beyond bacon-hehe). in the same way that working moms should not be made to feel guilty they aren't spending most of the day with their kids. these are personal choices that suit every mother & her family. I made my choice early on to be a SAHM with hubby's blessings, but now that my kids are older, I have become a not too hard core business mom that can tailor make her schedule so her kids are her priority pa rin.