26 July 2016

The Underacting Parenting

In my Moved Up, Moved Out post, I told the main reason why R and I decided to put Sophia to where she is studying now. It has been almost a month since she started her new school year and the changes in her young and innocent life were truly evident. So how is she doing? Has it also affected me as a parent?


Aside from how she easily wakes up at 4:30 in the morning to how she fixes herself on her own in a breeze, I can't help but think that my girl won't need me eventually. You see, I don't bring her to school anymore; she takes the school bus along with 15 other girls. She also follows this after-school to-do list to help her remain focused the entire school week. Raising my only girl almost single-handedly is not an easy feat. In fact, I just had my most agonizing week the past two weeks as a parent. We were doing fine but I can't help not to worry; she's obviously having a hard time with all the adjustments. She needs routine but she's an artist, who needs to do things on her pace. So there were days when I have nothing for her but commands in high-pitched voice. I hated myself. I don't like to be that kind of mom; that's not how I want her to see me.

We fought and argued but managed to end it peacefully. After apologies and promises, I asked her what she feels whenever I get mad. In her matured but sweet tone, she said, "I get hurt. And sometimes when I get hurt, I'm thinking if I were like other kids, would you still be mad at me?" *pausing now to wipe my tears* The lump in my throat that balled while she was talking had finally burst into a heavy-on-the-verge-of-ugly-crying sigh. I couldn't said a word. I just caressed her soft, black hair and hugged her tight. 

As much as I don't want to blame myself for her irritation lately, I know that I was the one who put her in that situation to begin with. That's how we, my husband and I, talk to her at times. Yesterday, I took a different route to this crazy thing called parenting and asked her what I can do to make her understand what I was saying (we were doing her homework in Filipino). Calmly, she stopped writing and looked at me, "Maybe you should not raise your voice at me, 'Nay." "You think so?", I said. She nodded, "Actually, I can't understand you when you're yelling." That, ladies and mommies, was the final blow to my whole motherhood career. I thought I was doing good. I suck, what a failure. *faced the wall to punish self*

Saying goodbye to the tiger mom that I thought I am, I decided that I need to unleash my underacting persona a la Jaclyn Jose. In an instant, I took off the strong suit that I always wear when I am trying my best to make sure she's learning her lessons well. Guess what? My English-speaking little lady finished her patinig-katinig homework with her sanity still in tact. 

You see, if underacting made the country won a Cannes, maybe underacting [parenting] can raise happier children.

Surely, it's going to be a tough task for this theatrical, emotional momma but I have to do what I gotta do. She has 10 more years before college. There's no other way but this way. Now, I need to tell the husband to do underacting workshop, too - he's like me, very Broadway. Very Romy Diaz. 

Anyway, do you have tips on how you stay calm when your child just did exactly the opposite of what you said? Would love to read those in the comments!

8 comments:

  1. "if underacting made the country won a Cannes, maybe underacting [parenting] can raise happier children." Yan talaga eh. Yan talaga ang nagdala. Hahahaha!

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  2. Wait, Katinig and patinig. Huhuhu I remember how madugo it was when I was teaching my 7 year old son about this hahahaha but he woke me up earlier and said that he already knows patinig and katinig. Hahahahaha!

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    1. Hahaha! You mean to say, magigising na lang ba ako isang araw na alam na alam na ito ng bagets? 😄

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  3. I feel you, sis. I am a nagging mom & I believe that I excel on being one! Haha. I also feel bad whenever I yell at my daughter. Parang habang tumatagal nawawala ang pasensya ko. But then I realize, she's a big girl na. I can talk to her maturely but with caution ofcourse. Napakahirap at napakasarap maging nanay. Hindi ako perpekto pero sinusubukan ko.☺ God bless all moms!

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    1. Hard to accept but it's really wrong to yell to our kids (or anyone) just to send our message across. God bless you! :)

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  4. I have a nine-month-old daughter who came to us after four long years of waiting. So super praning and overprotective ako. DON'T TOUCH THAT!!! (repeat 386 times/day) My husband called my attention kasi masasanay daw sa sigaw yung anak namin. One time, her walker fell on top of her sa sobrang kulit. Instead of shouting, I calmly said, "Stand up, sweetie. You can do it." She smiled at me, and she was able to stand on her own. Hirap na hirap akong pigilin ang sigaw ko! Haha! :p But seriously, parenting pala is not just "training" our kids, no? Madalas, training din siya for parents. Haha!

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    1. True. I became a better person when I became a parent. Cheers to us! :)

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