I am a walking contradiction. I am brave but a wimp. I am strong but a crybaby. I am funny but always searching for happiness. Tunog Bipolar na ba? Hehe. I know myself well, that I actually have the power to manipulate my own feelings whenever I want to. I think all of us could do that as well --- the manipulation of our own emotions. Do you agree? You see, I was not at my best self lately. I cried over the littlest of things. I started to have that moment, I think a week ago and I "over-shared" it with my husband. Rhambo, not used to having a Judy Ann Santos of a wife (read: teleserye queen) ignored it. Ugh. It was the lowest of low, muthers. As in. It's hard when that one person actually caused you to be more emotional when all this time you thought he would be the saviour of your emotions. I extended my drama scenes over at Instagram. Mega-post ng quotable quotes na swak sa nararamdaman ko at that moment. Ang sarap eh, masokista lang ang peg. Hahaha! But when I realized it didn't help me lessen the burden, I spilled all the beans to my best girlfriends: E, my 1st AML from the North; C, the fitness trainor from hell; and S, the spelunker video editor from SG. Yes, we had brunch a la SATC, only virtually. Oh, you just didn't how I felt so much better after that! But the husband was still dedmadela to the max that I can't afford to smile yet.
Saturday night, S and I were having this lightbulb moment kind of talk on Viber and a new kind of hope rushed through my spine. I felt all the nega vibes were washed out. I gathered my thoughts and sent a Peabody-worthy of a text message to my husband. A total of 6 links, almost all characters maximized. Hehe. It's that long. And you know what I sealed it with? Mommy Fleur's blog post. Deymn, it hit home big time! When I read it, I felt kasi that we almost had the same problem. Only she was luckier in a lot of ways: she has extra money to buy herself some booze and go shopping, she had her mom by her side during her moments and she and her husband finally had "the talk" in person.
Guess what I received the next day from my estranged husband (char lang sa estranged hehe)? Three sentences via text: I'm sorry, I love you and I will soon go home. Insert millions of hearts, happiness and all lovely things here. Pero huwag ka muther, hindi ako nag-reply agad. Pakipot ba? Hindi, antok pa ako. LOL. Honestly, iniisip ko what made him realize he was wrong. Yung pang-MMK ko bang text message or yung mga sinabi ni Mommy Fleur? Kung ano man yun eh I'm happy kasi madalang mahanginan ng "sorry air" ang sundalo ko. I didn't make kuda anymore, I'm contented na that he finally realized he was wrong and apologized. I'm a very forgiving person naman eh, lalo sa mga taong mahal ko. At siyempre sa nagso-sorry. Anyway, I want to share lang what I have learned from the experience:
LOVE YOURSELF.Yan ang magandang paalala sa akin ni C, who will soon be going to Florida to work as a badass Physiotherapist. In the long run daw kasi of trying to be the best partner eh we tend to lose ourselves. Nakakalimutan natin yung worth natin bilang tao, bilang babae. Tama naman. Ika nga ng kantang The Greatest Love of All: the greaaatest love of all .... is easy to achieeeeeve, learning to love yourse--heeeelf ihees the greatest loooooove of alllllll. Napakanta ba kayo? Ako din eh.
DON'T THINK TOO MUCH, IT WILL EAT YOU.Galing yan sa super single but very successful kong kumare na si S from SG. Sometimes kasi 'di ba yakap na yakap tayo sa emosyon natin, sarap mag-emo eh di ba? Nung bata nga ako titignan ko pa sarili ko sa salamin habang umiiyak. Tinitignan ko kung maganda pa ba ako habang lumuluha. Hahaha! Artista. Kidding aside, tama naman eh. It's okay to cry. Releasing our emotions is humane. But there should be a limit. Huwag kayong tutulad sa akin na tanungin lang ng "what happened?" eh ngangawa na. Let's be our strongest self, kahit mahirap. Bilang nanay, hindi tayo nag-iisa sa buhay. May bata (or mga batang) umaasa sa atin.
YOU NEED GIRLFRIENDS.I realized that I'm the kind of person who cannot solve my own problems all by myself. Tama si mareng Celine Dion: all by myse-heeelf, don't wanna live, all by myseeelf, anymoooore. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam na kahit virtually lang, I know my friends were there for me. And it also helped that E made me feel so normal by confessing that she sometimes had those kind of moments with her husband, too. And our girlfriends will listen, they will not solve the problem, which what we actually want to happen. Girlfriends are made to be our reality checkers, tagabatok sa atin when we're being shonga and most of all when we had too much, sila muna sasalo ng bigat. I'm thankful for my friends, really. (Thank you din to those who sent me private messages asking me how I was.)
What also made me happy was when my mama texted me, inviting us to have lunch with her at her house. They were already eating when LB and I arrived so hindi ko napicturan yung food: lumpiang sariwa, bangus and ginataang bilo-bilo for dessert. Then Mama made turon din. Sarap lang for a change na nanay mo ang nagluluto for you. May pabalot pa which we ate for dinner. There, such a long read noh? Make sure to come back here or visit my Facebook page from time to time kasi I will soon be unveiling what I will be doing to celebrate my and LB's birthday next month. Exciting! Thank you for reading my isms. 'Till next post! Mwah!