02 October 2012

Parenting is NOT a Competition

I am a 4-year-old parent. Yes, basically new. I have my own ups & downs parenting-wise. Being someone in "authority" (but should not look that way) is not an easy feat. I never see myself as a strict mother, but being married to a military guy who is always away means I should also stand as the father. Which also means he can't share the burden of disciplining our BRAT --- cavaliers' kids. Rhambo being away is not a new complaint anymore. Or, a complaint at all. I have learned to live with it. I have learned how it is to be a SOLO parent --- geographically. I have learned to decide on my own, with bits of advice from MIL & Mama. These mothers are good because they have raised their children in solo-flight. My mother lost Papa 1993. MIL lost FIL 1999. My mothers are widows.

They both have taught me on how I should rear Sophia. They have the right to do so, because Sophia is their granddaughter, and I am their daughter. But how about those people (in this case, mothers) who think highly of themselves when giving unsolicited advice? I mean, I respect opinions. But written words can really mean something else when it's not written appropriately. Why not use disclaimers such as "maybe this could work for you" rather than "my son uses this, and it's really effective!". All kids are different. They are not minions of someone who look exactly alike. So if your cream worked for your son, it doesn't mean it could work for my neighbor's kid's highly-sensitive skin. Do you get that point?
I have nothing against mothers who give unsolicited advice to a fellow mother. Because I am like that as well. But I try my best to make it sound as if it's a sales pitch and not a sermon. Mothers, our kids are not our trophies. They are actually lent to us by God. We, of course, have to do our very best to take good care of them. However, if your internal motive is to make other mothers feel bad about their parenting style because you think yours is better, it's time to change woman. Parenting is not an Olympic competition. Different strokes for different folks. My daughter may not be at the top of her class (maybe because all of them are really THAT smart) and she may have "printed" legs (I really want to blame the former nanny and Off Lotion but it's too late) and she may have fever right now (when I had a miscarriage, I somehow neglected her thus this --- I feel bad!); but this doesn't mean I am a bad mother already. Okay, I'm just giving myself a pat in the back right now instead of waiting for someone to do it to me. You are doing great, Queen B! ♥ 

20 comments:

  1. cant you post more on positivism and not about negativism?the content of your blog mostly feature if not product endorsement which i think you just fished most of it are more on negative content.if i were a mom, i would not endorse your page.i think you dont practice what you preach..you post things like this but then again, you think youre superior with these posts?i bet you wouldnt even post this comment are you?i dare you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello anonymous! I think you should have shut your mouth instead of spreading negativity by posting your comment,eh?!
    And if you were a mom, you would appreciate this blog more. This blog is about that. Motherhood isn't all rainbows and butterflies. Motherhood is sleepless nights and sickness and laundry and tears and MORE. Ok maybe it's not like that all the time but it sure is MOST of the time. Sorry to burst your bubble.
    And as for endorsements, we'll get green with envy. You're just jealous.
    I'm a mom who loves free stuff. I don't get to shop for myself anymore because I shop for my kids first. And if I could get things from product endorsements, I would love to.

    So there, if you have no clue what being a mother is. So next time shut your pie hole.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i guess, there is no perfect parenting, one mother is different from another but of course, we wanted to do what's best for our children.

    ReplyDelete
  4. i think that anonymous is a spammer... i get that kind of comments in my blogs too and I don't publish them. Anyway, there are no rules on how to parent our children, though there are a lot of parenting books out there that will help us on how parent our children, still it does not mean that it applies to everyone. we know our children better than anyone else and of course we want the best for them, so we have to do it our way... we have the so called mother instinct by the way, let's use it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can't relate as of the moment since I don't have my own family yet. But generally, I don't like it when other people force their opinion on me and tell me what exactly I need to do. Suggesting and advising is definitely very different from shoving their beliefs.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I give kudos to all mothers that are doing their best to really parent their kids. And I agree that we are in no position to judge other parenting styles as we are all different, and we are the ones that knows our kids' best.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I agree with Musings nothings perfect but we are trying to be a good parent and a good example to our kids.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I always salute moms. I think I can't be good at it LOL

    ReplyDelete
  9. Us parents, particularly mothers are forever learning. It's not an easy job and sometimes those who are giving us the hardest time are the ones who also went through motherhood.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Mothers have also different types of disciplinary actions towards their children.We know how to react with our kids because in the first place we are their number one guardians.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AS a parent to two, I am still not the expert of all things mommyhood. Being a mom you learn a lot of things about yourself and about your kids everyday. You think you know it all, but boom you really don't. No one else knows our kids better than we do. They are our kids. I don't like to tell people what to do or what not to do unless my input is needed. I understand about people telling you things that makes you feel like incompetence or makes you feel like you are so stupid and don't know better. I have a friend who I like her and she is like a second mother to me, but sometimes I want to tell her that stop telling me these things. I maybe young, but I am not that stupid. I know you are a granny and know these things because you've been there, but stop telling me like I am stupid or something or doesn't have common sense. Oh dear! It is so upsetting sometimes, but I get that she is trying to help. Sometimes it just rubbing me off the wrong way like it's too much. hahaha...
    I hope you feel better mommy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your well-thought comment Adin B! :)

      Delete
  12. Geeez Anonymous you are guilty on cybercrime law for 12 years! boom! Now that's not nice! Anyway, about parenting, we all know our own children so it's up to the parents how to up bring their kids we are not perfect but trying the best of our ability is a key to success, no one can say you didn't do this, didn't do that! Shut the front door! just mind your own kids! Or better be get a kid of your own Just for my opinion lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha! You nailed it Shela! I think Anonymous is so much affected by what I wrote in my post that she can't help but comment. But if you would think about it, she stalks my blog! How brilliant. :)

      Delete
  13. Sons are inheritance, all we can do is nurture them. Right on the cherry, mothers somehow take too much pride in themselves and yeah, "there's only one beautiful kid in the world, and every mom has it" - that's why moms act like that, their kids are always the best...it's sometimes irrational but I agree with you on letting moms be moms to their own kids...and put the pride in place. ;) great post and there is no bad mother at all...chill!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Don't feel bad Mommy. We are all good mothers in the eyes of our own children. That matters most than what our fellow mothers will say. Don't feel guilty about your shortcomings, you are just human. What's important is that you love your child/children like the way God love us. =)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi Nanay Beng, thanks for sharing this. It only proves that cyber bullying moms are rampant with your anonymous commenter as an example. When we are witnessing this type of attitude towards fellow moms, we should try to stop it and call their attention, maybe some just forget to RESPECT.

    Tiffany

    ReplyDelete
  16. binalik balikan ko talaga itong blog na to mommy..,we are not perfect anyway..kahit nga ako alm ko marami akong shortcomings sa only son ko e,but atleast i know where to stand naman and we mother not need to compare our disciplinary actions to other kid..kanya kanya tayong strategy on how to discipline our little one...kepp it up mommy Beng

    ReplyDelete